If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. After acknowledging how actions tied to their addictions had a negative impact on people in their lives, those in 12-step recovery programs commit to making direct amends whenever possible. A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery. Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction.
What Does Making Amends Have to Do With Sobriety?
Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing what is a living amends as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.
Making Amends: A Crucial Part of the 12 Steps
Amends allow me to also right the wrongs I may continue to make. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live. Apologies, while they can be well meaning, feel like lip service to many people. Especially if the disease behaviors created deep fissures, or if they are used in place of more direct amends. The program and this step made me see that it was their own doing; they made the choice.
What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?
- It involves specifying the particular behaviors and actions that led to harm, ensuring the admission is not vague or wishy-washy.
- Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt.
- One of the most common reasons people want to make living amends is to correct past wrongs.
With an understanding of the significance of making amends and its guiding principles, we can proceed to craft a personalized script. This script is your guide, providing a framework for acknowledging specific wrongdoings, articulating the harm caused, and outlining possible reparations or actions. Along with reinforcing new behaviors and outlooks, making amends can also reduce stress. Many who lived with addiction have past behaviors they’re not proud of. By proactively correcting previous mistakes, those in recovery may be able to prevent future conflicts that could trigger a relapse.
We understand that fact and don’t choose to run from it, and we understand that words cannot make those painful memories disappear. We can only become who we intend to be, and acknowledge to others that those addictive behaviors have no place in our lives from here on out. In early recovery, parents might feel pressured to make up for lost time and experiences. We’ve had a spiritual awakening, and we suddenly want to fit as much as possible into each day—and we want to quickly repair all the harm we caused during active addiction. An alcoholic in recovery first creates the list of individuals they have harmed during step eight and then divides the list into four categories.
- It’s really hard to apologize to those you’ve hurt — it takes courage and humility and requires a deep, intense look at yourself.
- They find the integrity to openly admit their flaws and wrongdoings and the courage to tackle them.
- More general quotes regarding the process can still be helpful, like, “I don’t want to just say I am sorry, I want to show in my actions I am truly making amends”.
Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions. Although, you’ll have to find a different way to do so and in a way that makes a lasting impact https://ecosoberhouse.com/ on you and the people you love who are still here. Sometimes, making direct amends with someone may lead to further harm. For example, if you are estranged from a loved one and they will not see you, your indirect amends may involve reflecting on and modifying the behaviors that led to the estrangement.
Key Components of an Effective AA Amends Script
